I Can't Come To Work Today Because...

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I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  My stigmata's acting up.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not 
showing up for work. OK?

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know 
we have that deadline to meet...

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food 
Giant.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit 
disorder and, hey, how about them Bears, huh? So, I won't be 
able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking 
with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I 
shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now 
contain false information.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even 
gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am 
startled.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I prefer to remain an enigma.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  My stepmother has come back as one of the Undead and we must 
track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart 
and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded 
by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. 
I insist on paying my fair share.

I Can't Come To Work Today Because...
  I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!

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