Bart's Chalkboard

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I will not carve gods.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not spank others.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not aim for the head.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not barf unless I'm sick.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not conduct my own fire drills.
  -- "The Simpsons"

Funny noises are not funny.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not snap bras.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not fake seizures.
  -- "The Simpsons"

This punishment is not boring and pointless.
  -- "The Simpsons"

My name is not Dr. Death.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not defame New Orleans.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not prescribe medication.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not bury the new kid.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not teach others to fly.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not bring sheep to class.
  -- "The Simpsons"

A burp is not an answer.
  -- "The Simpsons"

Teacher is not a leper.
  -- "The Simpsons"

Coffee is not for kids.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not eat things for money.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not yell "She's dead" at roll call.
  -- "The Simpsons"

The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not call the principal "spud head."
  -- "The Simpsons"

Goldfish don't bounce.
  -- "The Simpsons"

Mud is not one of the four food groups.
  -- "The Simpsons"

No one is interested in my underpants.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not sell miracle cures.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will return the seeing-eye dog.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I do not have diplomatic immunity.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
  -- "The Simpsons"

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
  -- "The Simpsons"

All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
  -- "The Simpsons"

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I am not deliciously saucy.
  -- "The Simpsons"

Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
  -- "The Simpsons"

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail, Satan."
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
  -- "The Simpsons"

There are plenty of businesses like show business.
  -- "The Simpsons"

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not waste chalk.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not skateboard in the halls.
  -- "The Simpsons"

Underwear should be worn on the inside.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will never win an Emmy.
  -- "The Simpsons"

I will not torment the emotionally frail.
  -- "The Simpsons"

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