Beer & Drinking

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You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it 
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, 
but at the very least you need a beer. 
  -- Frank Zappa 

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to 
keep your mouth shut. 
  -- Ernest Hemingway 

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has 
taken out of me. 
  -- Winston Churchill 

He was a wise man who invented beer. 
  -- Plato 

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. 
  -- Catherine Zandonella 

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank 
her. 
  -- W.C. Fields 

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. 
  -- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill 
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. 
  -- His reply 

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. 
  -- David Daye 

Work is the curse of the drinking class. 
  -- Oscar Wilde 

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. 
  -- Henny Youngman 

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. 
  -- Benjamin Franklin 

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it 
makes beer shoot out your nose. 
  -- Deep Thought, Jack Handy 

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is 
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the 
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. 
  -- Dave Barry 

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. 
  -- Humphrey Bogart 

People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just 
like the exercise they get running to the bathroom a lot. 
  -- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI 

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. 
  -- Kaiser Welhelm 

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. 
  -- Homer Simpson 

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and 
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital 
ingredient in beer. 
  -- Dave Barry 

I drink to make other people interesting. 
  -- George Jean Nathan 

They who drink beer will think beer. 
  -- Washington Irving 

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with 
his fools. 
  -- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway 

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. 
  -- Dean Martin 

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just 
do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. 
  -- Homer Simpson 

"Dear friends, you must realize that I am a drinker with a writing 
problem." 
 -- Brendan Behan, the Irish writer, responding to reporters 
    on his drinking habit's impact on his writing 

Sir, you are exceedingly Drunk. 
  -- Lady Astor to Winston Churchill 
And you, dear lady, are exceedingly ugly. 
But tomorrow, *I* will be sober. 
  -- His reply. 

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